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Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket. –Anonymous

Once again we’ve reached that point in the year where we must move our clocks one hour back and return to “standard” time for the winter.

And every year I ask myself, WHY?

I understand the principle behind it. And, personally I agree with Daylight Saving Time (DST). I think adding the extra daylight at the end of the day benefits people more than losing the hour of morning light hurts. After all, when you’re half asleep who cares if the sun is shining or not?

So with the understanding that DST benefits activity levels, after work recreation, and, most likely, general mental health lets keep it around.

The question I have is why we have to return to standard time at all. Is there a rule that says we have to utilize non-DST time for at least 1/3 of the year or we lose our complimentary Christmas gift baskets?

Every year we change our clocks two times for what I can see as no appreciable benefit other than tradition and general daily disruptions courtesy of our friendly neighborhood bureaucracy.

Only four(!) months. Like, who gives a crap?! During the waning hours of mid-January while I’m freezing my sub-zero ass off going to work I keep thinking, “God, I just love that sunrise will occur only two hours AFTER I get to work instead of three! And you know what? I f*ckin’ love that we get sunset right at 4 in the f*cking afternoon. Perfection!”

When you only get like 8 hours (or less!) of daylight anyway that one hour doesn’t mean Jack Sh*t. So why am I screwing around with my clocks at 2 AM tonight, again? Really love that spring shift when I get one hour less sleep–that’s awesome!

So I’m begging all those rational, intelligent Congress men and women (I figure, at least 3 or 4 members?) institute a permanent DST. It’ll prevent countless issues surrounding the time changes, including any financial impact of the shift. And it’s just good common sense–which is why we probably haven’t instituted this already, as common sense is generally considered anti-American.

And for those of you living in a state that doesn’t acknowledge DST, well you get to continue to do what ever the hell you want. Cause really who cares about Arizona: big giant hole, lots of old-people, desert, hates immigration, golf courses, John McCain, and did I mention ridiculously hot–inhumanly hell on earth hot–deserts?! Just kidding, BTW;)

But at least I get one extra hour tonight to goof off. And maybe write a silly rant about DST for my website. Woo Hoo!

Chad Schulz, Nov 1, 2014